Monday, February 8, 2010


Now that Grant is a year old, he's decided to display his wisdom and opinion on everything. For example, naps used to be such a glorious time. I would feed him a bottle, often spoiling him with being rocked and cuddled, and he would blissfully slumber for a couple of hours. Lately he's taken up the attitude of, "(scream) But I'm not tired! (scream) See? Watch how much energy I have! (runs frantically, trips in his exhaustion, more screaming) Please don't put me to sleep! (screams turn to hysterical sobbing) Trust me, Mom! I'm a whole year old, and I know myself better than you do. (more hysteria) I can handle this! I don't need a nap!" And by this time he has spent all of the little energy he had and is pulling out all of the reserves to fight and run and go crazy, all to prove to me that he isn't tired. It is a very convincing show: all it really does is convince me of how right I am and how clueless he really is.

Why is it that I do the same thing with Heavenly Father when I don't want to do something, or when I really want something? "But I can handle it! I'm twenty-seven, and I know what I'm doing. No one knows better than I do what I need. Trust me. I can handle this!" Heavenly Father often says, "Fine. Have it your way, if you're so smart." And pretty much every single time I do I end up miserable.

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding." Good advice from Proverbs, I think. He knows more than I do, so why don't I trust Him? Because I'm human, I rely on myself or what I can observe with my physical senses. So part of the reason I'm here on this earth is to learn to trust those things I cannot see or feel or touch or hear; past experience has proven that all these things are true, so I can go forward with faith.  If God has never let me down before, He won't in the future! He knows me more than I ever will in this life, because He knows who I have always been. He also knows all things past, present, and future. How could I ever begin to think I know more than he does?

I guess all broken commandements follow the same pattern, don't they? It's a matter of us trusting ourselves over our loving Father, and as hard as it can be to allow things to be out of my control, it seems to get easier the more I do it. And it definitely makes my life happier!

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