Tuesday, October 13, 2009

I Need Thee Every Hour

While doing dishes last week, Grant was in his high chair eating a snack and murmuring "dadadada" over and over. I'm pretty sure he knows what that means, and he always says it when he's in a good mood. Soon he was tired of sitting there, and he switched from friendly banter to high-pitched squeals. That quickly morphed into his favorite distress word, "mamamamama," which is aways accompanied by loud whining, begging, tears, screams, and banging on whatever he can get his hands on. And when he doesn't get what he wants that very second, the sounds just get louder and higher (if that is even possible!).

That is how it has been since he was three or four months old. Mama was his first word, though he had no idea what it meant, and from the very beginning it has only been used when he is starving, angry, or in pain. It doesn't bother me that it is used in conjunction with a need that needs filling because that's why I'm here.

But as I stood at the sink that day, I realized that Grant always uses dad's name (whether he understands it or not) when he's happy, yet he only uses mine when he needs something--will he ever associate me with good things, or just what I can give him? By the way, I love that he loves his daddy so much, and I highly encourage that as his first word. But in some small way could a mother ever get to the point where she feels a little used? That all she is good for is getting more, or doing more? At our house, the smiles kisses and cuddles come so easily to Dad, but not as readily to Mom.

And then I realized that I do the very same thing.

How often do I beg Heavenly Father to give me something that I need or want? I'm very sincere and feel very strongly about those things. That isn't a bad thing, ultimately. But how do I react when the answer is "no" or "not now" or "just wait a minute"? Sometimes my pleas just get stronger and louder.

But even more than that, how often do I turn to Him only when I need something? Do I give all of my attention, joy and gratitude to other people, things, or activities? Do I forget to include him in all the good, as well as the bad? Too often I beg, get my answer, and then move on with life. Here's a scary thought: do I ever, in effect, use Him to make sure my life goes according to my plan?

D&C 101:8-9--In the day of their peace they esteemed lightly my counsel; but, in the day of their trouble, of necessity they feel after me. Verily I say unto you, notwithstanding their sins, my bowels are filled with compassion towards them.

I'm thankful to know that even when I fail at this, He still loves me. But for my sake I need to make Him a part of my life and prayers as much during the good as I do during the bad. I need Thee every hour.

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